Unusual topic name aint it? eh but its not really a hint to anything. It just sounded right in my mouth as I thought what to write.
So second real blog...hmm. tonight is just a bit of rambles no real topic.
Okay so today's been good I guess.
So I was thinking and reading earlier and I felt like a huge hole was inside me and it hurt really badly, I wanted to die and cry.
Well I wasnt planning to type anything about this tonight but fact is a few days ago I realized through self searching and reading on the subject, that I've been depressed for a long time...im not even sure if I actually got completely out of it last time it happened and well either way I am now.
I'm not down and hurting all the time...but simply I've lost most of my will to do much of anything that interests me anymore, let alone those things that dont. I'm jobless and while I would like to go back to school again I've done nearly no searching....So just yeah.
As well I've had feelings and thoughts of hurting and killing myself. Of course I've the experanice and promises in my life to combat these thoughts and emotions, but its still rather disturbing and it makes things worse in truth. Idk I guess I'm blogging this now simply because I wanted to make sure I dont let this blog die and plus itll serve as a way to put this all out there for my friends to know whats going on and yet I know only a couple will see it and thus I feel safe and less ashamed of myself.
Now i know there's nothing to be ashamed about and its simply because I am depressed but i've taken pride in working on myself by myself, but I know this is the source of my cown fall.
I guess it just helps to type about this.....I hope those who know me will be supportive, even though I truly dont want them to actually try to help me....Im aware this will make things worse for me and its simply my pride and depression that make me refuse to want help.
Promises to keep typing this crap till I'm booted off the interwebs,
Dark
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